This Weekend I... Volume 6

 

This weekend I... went to the horse races with the boyfriend and his parents, and we had a near death experience. For real.

We were standing at the edge of the ring where they parade around the horses before each race. One of them, number seven, seemed really pissy the whole time. It kept jerking its head around and wouldn't walk nicely like the other horses did. Then it started bucking and reared up so high that it tipped over backwards, crashing through the fence.

Then shit got crazy. People were screaming and running all over the place. The horse scrambled back to its feet looking scared and angry. It charged directly toward us. People were still shouting and literally diving out of its path. The boyfriend had to hop over the fence to get out of its way.

And what did I do? I totally froze. I panicked and just stood there like an idiot, while this crazed beast charged by, like thirty inches away from my face. Yeah, I'm clearly an asset in crisis situations.

Here is the culprit moments before he lost his shit.

This weekend I... had to get a new phone because my old one just completely stopped working. It was horrible. Just so you know, the guys at Verizon will laugh at you when you ask for a phone that doesn't have any malarky like touch screens or the Internet. And then they will take a really long time in the back while they look for one.

But whatever. Only God can judge me. 2Pac taught me that.