I Want to Rub My Nose on Him

Last week I started wondering why every single person on earth doesn't have a pet slow loris.

Don't know what a slow loris is? A.) That makes me feel bad for you. And B.) These are slow lorises:

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I know, right?! Hands down the cutest little creatures that have ever lived. So why wouldn't everyone want to have at least sixteen of these little guys living in their house?

Well it turns out the slow loris is both adorable and deadly. (I'm not even joking.) They're one of only nine mammals in the world that are poisonous. They secrete a substance from their elbows that, when they lick it, mixes with their saliva to become a potentially lethal venom. 

So that is why people don't have hundreds of pet slow lorises. Well, some people do. Illegally. In Japan, mostly. And it's the saddest thing ever. Because in order to prevent these fuzzy little chemists from sinking their poison soaked fangs into you, the pet dealers pull out all of their teeth when they get them.

Long story short: First they're cute, then they're scary, then they're sad.